I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
