Where are you?
In a non slutty way
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I have post one night stand depression
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