I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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