Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
