I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So much rum. So many feels.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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