dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
