Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
