i just snorted my name. best moment ever
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
