She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
