They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
