My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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