she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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