Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
