I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
