i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
