2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I don't deserve a penis
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
