I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
