They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
