I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
