he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
