I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
