How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
