I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
