Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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