So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
