I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
