drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My cat gives me a boner
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
