he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
