She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
