omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Screwed.edu
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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