3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
