You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
