how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
