sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
