Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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