I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
