You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Randomize
