I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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