Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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