Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
