I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
