I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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