He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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