Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
