I just saw a hot homeless man
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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