I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
