so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
