If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
