The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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