I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
