We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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